Christmas Songs of Tortall
by Evilstrawberry
Summary: The PotS characters are back and still rehearsing for that Christmas show! 12 Days of Christmas, Deck the Bandits, Cleon the Red Haired Squire, Must Be Nealan, Joy to the World! joren has come and Ring the Bells. Please read and review!
1. The Twelve Days of Christmas

**The Twelve Days of Christmas**  
  
**Authors Note: G'day! Well umm...Christmas songs of Tortall. I was eating candy canes and it struck me...we where out of candy canes and…I should write something Christmassy! So I did. This one is the _Twelve Days of Christmas_. **

**Oh, and _I_ know Christmas don't exist in Tortall and _you_ all know, but the people from Tortall don't know so lets just not tell them, OK?  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own the original _Twelve Days of Christmas_ song or any characters. Tamora Pierce and some other people do.   
**  
  
  
  
  
_Lord Wyldon taps his conductor's stick on his music stand and coughs to get everyone's attention. When that doesn't work he bellows "QUIET!!!!" Then continues in a normal voice. "Thank you. Now, from the top and with feeling this time! OK, and…"  
  
All the POTS characters start singing.  
_  
On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me a big old sword to wack things just for me.  
  
On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me 

Two horses stomping _"Get off my feet!!"_  
And a big old sword to wack things just for me  
  
On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me 

Three sparrows singing. _Tweet Tweet SCREECH!!!_  
Two horses stomping  
And a big old sword to wack things just for me.  
  
On the forth day of Christmas my true love gave to me

Four breaches ripping. _"Oh my lady your pants!!"_  
Three sparrows singing  
Two horses stomping  
And a big old sword to wack things just for me.  
  
On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me 

Five sexy best friends. _He he he, Green eyes..._  
Four breaches ripping  
Three sparrows singing  
Two horses stomping  
And a big old sword to wack things just for me.  
  
On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me 

Six fights with bullies. _*Cracking knuckles*_  
Five sexy best friends  
Four breaches ripping  
Three sparrows singing  
Two horses stomping  
And a big old sword to wack things just for me.  
  
On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me 

Seven ugly dogs. _Bark! Wolf! Meow!_  
Six fights with bullies  
Five sexy best friends  
Four breaches ripping  
Three sparrows singing  
Two horses stomping  
And a big old sword to wack things just for me.  
  
On the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me 

Eight pet naming red heads. _"My Dove."_  
Seven ugly dogs  
Six fights with bullies  
Five sexy best friends  
Four breaches ripping  
Three sparrows singing  
Two horses stomping  
And a big old sword to wack things just for me.  
  
On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me 

Nine Jorens sneering. _Mmmmm…nine Jorens..._  
Eight Pet naming red heads  
Seven ugly dogs  
Six fights with bullies  
Five sexy best friends  
Four breaches ripping  
Three sparrows singing  
Two horses stomping  
And a big old sward to wack things just for me.  
  
On the tenth day of Christmas my true love gave to me 

Ten griffins bighting. _*Scream* Get it off!_  
Nine Jorens sneering  
Eight Pet name calling red heads  
Seven ugly dogs  
Six fights with bullies  
Five sexy best friends  
Four breaches ripping  
Three sparrows singing  
Two horses stomping  
And a big old sword to wack things just for me.  
  
On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me 

Eleven suits of armour. _"Can't walk...too heavy!"_  
Ten griffins bighting  
Nine Jorens sneering  
Eight Pet name calling red heads  
Seven ugly dogs  
Six fights with bullies  
Five sexy best friends  
Four breaches ripping  
Three sparrows singing  
Two horses stomping  
And a big old sword to wack things just for me.  
  
On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love gave to me 

Twelve Lady Knights. "_Better then men Knights…"_

Eleven suits of armour  
Ten griffins bighting  
Nine Jorens sneering  
Eight Pet name calling red heads  
Seven ugly dogs  
Six fights with bullies  
Five sexy best friends  
Four breaches ripping  
Three sparrows singing  
Two horses stomping  
And a big old sword to wack things just for me.

Juuuuuuuust 

Foooooooooooooorrrrrr Mmeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!  
  
  
_"Great…" encouraged Wyldon "Just...Cleon, when we sing about the red head stop making eyes at Mindelan. Queenscove...Really, we did not write this song and the views of the author are not our own." Kel blushed. "And everyone, on that last bit could we all go just a little bit higher? Somewhere at the end of the last 'me' would be nice. Well now you can all go die of over training. See you all next rehearsal. OK, chop chop of you go." He says. He mutters to him self, "Please kill me…"  
_  
  
**A/N: Well. God? Bad? Tell me!! I NEED TO KNOW!!!!!! Please? Review to tell me what you think, or to suggest songs or whatever. Imagine nine Jorens*goes into daydream*...thank you for reading!!!!! Bye.**


	2. Cleon the Red Haired Squire

**Cleon the Red Haired Squire  
  
A/N: Guess what? I'm back!!! And now on with a song about one of my favourite characters, CLEON!!!**

**  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything! Get it? Got it? Good.  
**  
  


_"Welcome back. Now, today well be doing a new song. You have the words? OK lets get this over with quickly...before Cleon comes back..."  
  
"Sorry, we didn't catch that last bit." Says Owen  
  
"Forget it, just sing!" he snapped.  
  
They all start to sing.  
_  
Cleon the red haired squire   
Had some very funny hair   
And if you ever saw it   
You could only stop and stare   
All of the other Squires   
Used to laugh and call him names   
They never let poor Cleon  
Join in any Squire games   
Then one sunny Midwinter's day Lord Wyldon came to say   
Cleon with you hair so red   
Stop showing the enemy our place or we'll all be dead   
So Cleon put on a hat   
And the author shouted out with glee   
Cleon the red haired Squire Will you go out with me?  
  
"_Well...that song was...different..." Lord Wyldon looks uncomfortable and everyone is in shock on what they just had to sing.  
  
"And we have to sing THAT in front of people? Kill me now..." Just then Cleon bursts in looking dishevelled.  
  
"Sorry I'm late; I somehow got stuck in a storage closet. So what are we singing?"  
  
"Umm...something."  
  
The author then has an evil idea. "OK let's sing it one more time, just for Cleon shall we? Mwahahahahahahahahah!!!!"  
  
  
_**  
A/N: So how was it? Please click the button down there and tell me. Is it better then the first or worse or where they both the same? Thank you for reading!!!!******


	3. Deck the Bandits

**Deck The Bandits  
  
A/N: Hi! Well, here I am again and only about a week till Christmas!!   
**  
**Disclaimer: What? It's not like I own anything...  
**  
_  
Lord Wyldon walks in. "Look I'm tired of this so just sing and get it over with. And………."  
  
They all start to sing...again  
_  
**Deck the bandits for their folly, **

Far la la la la la la la la la   
**'Tis the time when Owen says Jolly, **

Fa la la la la la la la la la   
**If they try to do it again, **

Fa la la la la la la la la la   
**He'll lock them in a big old pen, **

Fa la la la la la la la la la   
**Now he's off and fighting for us, **

Fa la la la la la la la la la   
**Soon he'll be back safe in Corus, **

Fa la la la la la la la la la   
**Chase the bandits for good measure, **

Fa la la la la la la la la la   
**Stop them getting at the treasure, **

Fa la la la la la la la la la   
**Owen is our good ol' mate, **

Fa la la la la la la la la la   
**One we'll never learn to hate, **

Fa la la la la la la la la la   
**He loves to read, got tons of spirit, **

Fa la la la la la la la la la   
**He'll say Jolly and you'll hear it,**

Fa la la la la la la la la la   
Fa la la la la la la la la la_   
  
Wyldon is banging his head against the wall because Owen is running around singing 'Jolly!'  
  
"Someone please stop him somehow!" he pleaded. "Do anything! Kill him for all I care!!"  
  
"With pleasure..." Various blunt or sharp objects and picked up.  
  
"Jolly! Jolly! Jolly! A song about me!! Jolly, jolly, Jol…what?……………..nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo_!!"  
  
  
  
**Authors Note: It's almost Christmas!!! I wont be able to write any more songs before Christmas (I'm lazy….) so I'll see you all next Christmas.  In the mean time have a great Christmas or what ever you celebrate or just generally be happy! Bye! *throws flowers at readers* ******


	4. Must Be Nealan

Must Be Nealan 

**A/N: Hello! I started this last year and had to stop posting because Christmas, well…ended. So now Christmas is coming up again I'm going to start writing it again! *Unenthusiastic cheering* So what if Christmas is about a month away; I'm getting in early OK? Hehehe..**

Disclaimer: *dreams about owning Joren, Neal and Cleon* *wakes up* Unfortunately I don't own anything so I'm gonna go sulk now…

Lord Wyldon looks around tiredly. "Does anyone have a copy of the next song? I haven't got a one yet." Kel hands him one, she's beet red, being one of the few people who actually read the song before hand. "What wrong with you Mindelan? Oh well, Ok I'll pick up the song as we go. And…"

Who's got hair that short and black?

Neal's got hair that's short and black.

Who gets in girls rooms from the back?

Neal gets in girls rooms from the back.

From the back, hair that's black.

Must be Nealan, must be Nealan

Must be Nealan. Neal Queenscove!

Who was Kel crushing on?

Neal's who Kel was crushing on.

Who is really easy to con?

Neal is just so easy to con.

Easy to con, crushing on.

From the back, hair that's black.

Must be Nealan, must be Nealan

Must be Nealan. Neal Queenscove

Who's in love with every chick?

Neal's in love with every chick.

Who's hair is nice and slick?

Nealan hair is nice and slick.

Hair that's slick, every chick.

Easy to con, crushing on.

From the back, hair that's black

Must be Nealan, must be Nealan

Must be Nealan. Neal Queenscove

Who's Kel loved since second year?

Kel loved Neal since second year.

Who didn't ever see it clear?

Neal didn't ever see it clear.

Second year, not see clear.

Hair that's slick, every chick.

Easy to con, a crush on.

From the back, hair that's black

Must be Nealan, must be Nealan

Must be Nealan. Neal Queenscove

Who said Daine was really hot?

Neal said Daine was really hot.

Who now thinks she's really not?

Neal now thinks she's really not.

Really hot, now she's not.

Second year, not see clear.

Hair that's slick, every chick.

Easy to con, a crush on.

From the back, hair that's black

Must be Nealan, must be Nealan

Must be Nealan. Neal Queenscove!*

_They all blink, blink again and turn slowly to look at Neal who is staring at Kel._

_"You…Kel…You had crush on me?" He asked disbelieving._

_"Only till I became a squire, then I met you cousin…oops…"_

_"WHAT? You stoped having a crush on me because you go a crush on Dom? I am so insulted!"_

_"You had a crush on me?" Asked Dom._

_"Only till half way threw my relationship with Cleon…aarrg!!" She looks around to make sure Cleon didn't hear. "Hey, hold on. Cleon's out on a date. That means…. I'm single again!!! Oh Joren…"_

**Please review? Suggest some songs for me to do, tell me what you think. Anything!**


	5. Joy to Tortall! Joren Has Come

Joy to Tortall! Joren has come 

**Disclaimer: I don't own the original song or the characters. OK? *Bows* Thank you.**

_Lord Wyldon glances at the new sheet of music he has just been handed and all the blood drains out of his face. "I refuse to sing that! I refuse, I will not and no one can make me!!"_

_"What's so bad about it?" Merric says as he pulls the paper out of his Lord's hand and looks at it, then feints dead away. _

_"I absolutely refuse to sing it!" A bolt of lightning comes though the window and strikes Wyldon's music stand. _

_"OK fine, we'll sing…." He mutters before motioning for everyone to start singing._

Joy to Tortall! Joren has come

And he's followed by his fan girls

Who yell and scream a lot

Who yell and scream a lot

Who yell, and yell and scream a lot!

Joy to Tortall! Joren is here

And everyone knows he's sexy

Mean, Evil and great

Fan girls are him fate

And all the girls want him

And all the girls want him

And all, And all the girls want him

Joy to Tortall! They can't have him

Because he's really mine

I've got him chained to my bedpost

To all else he's lost

And get away he shan't 

And get away he shan't

And get, and get away he shan't! 

_As the last note dies down Joren puffs up his chest, "Ha! I'm not chained to anyone's bed post." _

_"Not yet anyway." Mummers Merric. Joren glares at him, and then turns and stalks out of the room. A few seconds later a thump is heard, followed by the noise of something being dragged away and an evil cackle._

_Alanna looks at the words of the song and frowns. "Does anyone else thinks it's weird that we all pronounced lost to rhyme with post?"_

Authors Note: Errrrr, that one was…. weird.  It didn't really work out, you sort of have to use you imagination with it or something.  

Oh, lightning blew up my computer and I now have no internet access! I even have to go to my friend's house to post this. So I can't check my emails (which means I wont be able to see if I got any reviews until it's fixed) and I can't read and review any stories. I feel so deprived! So sorry if I don't answer your questions or do the song you asked or something. I'm not ignoring you, I'm just not here.


	6. Ring the Bells

****

Ring The Bells 

Disclaimer: Still don't own anything. Though if I did is would be a nice Christmas present wouldn't it?

__

Kel looks at Neal, "We have to stop this somehow. Everyone is close to breaking point! We can't take it much longer."

__

"I know!" He answers. "But what can we do? We're all struck here until the Author decides to release us. I don't think she'll do that for a long time." He lowers his voice even more. "I'm pretty sure she's insane."

__

"We'll just have to keep going along with it until someone thinks of a plan. And prey to the gods we don't get any more songs about Joren."

__

Wyldon, with his recently acquired twitch, taps his stand and everyone prepares to sing.

Ring the bells!

Ring the bells!

Ring them all the day!

Someone thinks they're going to hang

On traitors hill today. Hey!

Ring the bells!

Ring the bells!

Ring them all the day!

She has done a heroes work 

But doesn't see it that way! Hey!

Dashing through the snow

On a one horse with no sleigh

Off to save some lives

Worried all the way

Wyldon said don't go

You're just not aloud

But what did he expect 

She did all them proud

Oh! Ring the bells!

Ring the bells!

Ring the bells all day!

When she got back home

They said she could stay!

Ring the bells!

Ring the bells!

Ring them all the day!

Sometimes Kel's a silly bugger

But she's cool anyway!

__

"Well," said Kel. "A song about me could have been worse, though I don't remember any snow and I'm not quite sure what is implyed by saying I'm cool…... At least it's not about Joren."

****

Authors Note: Like? Dislike? Please review! Only two days until christmas and my computer is still broken. *bursts into tears* IT'S NOT FAIR!! Ok, I'm over it now…. I think I might even be back next year with some more song. Suggest a song and I'll have all year to wrok on it!


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